Decisions Decisions 

I am really not a fan of this. We had to do this once before and the anxiety that accompanies it is unreal. 

I have to decide which middle school to push for next year. 

So many facets and factions to think about. So many outcomes to think about and none can tell the future. 

Every choice causes a ripple down line, down the path of his future.  

I hate to say it but I  wish he was worse. Not worse, that’s the wrong word…. I wish it was more clear. 

I wish his challenges and disabilities were so clear that you could just look and see… Oh yeah, his least restrictive environment is clearly, right here! 

But that is NOT the card I was dealt. I am trying to take MY issues out of it. My hopes(not having to drive to two schools every morning) , wants (wanting his big sister to show hi the”ropes” at school. Warning him about this teacher,that table),  and dreams (that someday he will be in gen Ed with no issues applying to the top colleges in the country, just like his peers).

This is about him. Push to hard and he will crash and regression could equal failure. 

Don’t push him enough and he may ever find the potential that is in there.  He could fail. 

But how much is too much –the grey. I have never lived well in the grey. I don’t do well under grey skies. I look terrible in grey clothes. I could never pull off grey hair. Grey and I are NOT friends. And then you realize, even the grey can’t decide on grey. Light grey, dark grey. Who knew there were so damned many shades of grey!!!!!

So here I sit, for the moment, paralyzed with fear. 

I don’t know the answer. 

Just one more thing I need to pray upon. Just guide my way Father. Guide my way.  You gave me this wonderful child for a reason… Please light the way. 

~me

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