Really hard

Life as an autism mom is hard. Really hard. 

Life as a full time working autism/ADHD mom is even harder. 

Add to it the needs of being the only daughter to aging parents, an ex who just doesn’t “get it,” a good friend to those who hold you up,  and having to keep up the management of your work load, your staff, and all the household responsibilities as well and HARD doesn’t even begin to describe it. 

On top of all that, add in the medical issues you have brought on yourself with poor lifestyle choices, little to no time for yourself, and the self-loathing thoughts that randomly run through your head at a pace that even Carl Lewis couldn’t keep up with. 

Exhaustion sets in before the sun sets but you must keep going. The autism demands it. The constant need for consistency. The never ending battles over the seemingly smallest things. 

The never ending struggles against your own demons and addictions. 

It sometimes feels like it’s all toooooo much. You start to fall asleep talking to your maker. Begging for forgiveness. Asking for patience. Pleading for strength to make it through one more day. 

You find yourself asking questions. Painful questions that require way more time than you have to answers if/when you get those spare moments on the toilet alone before someone breaks the momentary silence with screams from the other room. 

Quiet time is over. Time to get up, and try again for another 2 hours when finally you can lay down and take a breath. The melatonin has worked and you are asleep before you can even utter the phrase, I am greatful for…..

The alarm sounds in what seems like 10 seconds later and it is time to get up and do it all over again. 

Life as an autism mom is hard. Really hard.