Frozen in Fear

As I lie here, I think about tomorrow. The first day of school. This is not our usual first day of school. Tomorrow is Brooklyn’s first day of Middle School. Middle school. Even the name breaths pain and misfortune. I pray that my darling girl’s time spent in that place will be much less torturous than mine was. I keep trying to tell myself… She is not you. Brooklyn has her own story to tell. Brooklyn is on the verge of finding out just. who. Brooklyn. is. SHE will determine her destiny. Your past does not have to be her future. 

I think it is best that we don’t know all the pressures of this period of time we are about to enter into. I think if we really knew just how important that time during Middle School is in shaping the person you are about to become we just wouldn’t have the strength to carry on. I think fear would stop us dead in our tracks. 

I try not to instill fear into Brooklyn. Sometimes, it is there anyway. She is much more capable than she gives herself credit for. She is a smart girl that can sometimes be a bit too easily persuaded. She more than anything else, wants to be liked. She needs the approval of her peers to breathe. 

My job now is to help her realize, you don’t need their approval, you need your own. You need to push yourself harder and further than you ever have before. That if you set your mind to it, you can accomplish great things. Your fear is the only limit upon you now. It sounds like an easy enough task but I now find myself standing in fear. Wondering if I can succeed. Wondering can I instill enough self-confidence in her to see her take her first steps of independence. True independence. 

That is my job now. To sit back, ask HER time and time again, “Well, baby girl, what do YOU think you should do?” It is time for me to stop solving the problems but to give her a gift. The gift of self-reliance and perseverance.

However, for tonight, the night before school starts, when I am going KNOW I should tell her, “I know you are afraid, but you NEED to know you can sleep in your own room and be okay,” I am going to say instead, “Come here my love. Will you sleep with me tonight.”

Because honestly, I know what’s about to come…. and I do not want to let her go! I’m frozen in fear. 

~me

Letting Go

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