THE SHIRT

Ever pull that awesome shirt out of the back of the closet and say to yourself…..

“Wow, where has this shirt been hiding, wonder why I have worn it lately?”

Then you’re late, your daughter looks at you and grabs the front of your shirt with the intention of trying to help her mama by attempting to pull down the front over her belly.

About an hour later you reach for something in the car and think, is this shirt going to rip?

Then about noon, at work, in meeting after meeting with tons of people and you can’t stop adjusting, tugging, pulling… and think… NOW I KNOW WHY I HAVEN’T WORN YOU – bad shirt! You just need to GO AWAY NOW!

~me

Image is of a t-shirt that asks an incredible question… does one size really fit all? Not today it doesn’t. UGH.

shirt

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He’s a Hugger

It hit me tonight, I am soooo lucky. My boy, he’s a hugger. When he is scared, when he is happy. When he is tired, when he is bouncing off the walls. He wants a hug. 

 He is such a hugger that we (his behavioralist and I) had to work on it a lot to get him to STOP hugging people. Like that random, Santa bellied man with the Ironman shirt on in Smart and Final. 

“Steve, honey, did you ask that nice man if he WANTED you in his personal space?” I would ask as I am peeling Steve off the poor unsuspecting man. 

“Steve, we talked about stranger danger, remember?” 

And with those gorgeous blue eyes he’d look at me and say, “but, I LOVE Ironman and that man clearly does too so he needed to know he wasn’t alone.”

What was that about autistics not having empathy? 

Well for me, I love my Steve hugs and tonight, I got a giant one with a kiss and I didn’t even have to ask. 

#fullofjoy

~me 

Photo is of Brooklyn getting a happy birthday hug from Steve.  Clearly she likes it as much as he does. 

Disappointing Day

Days like today need to go down in the mommy history books as a picture of a cactus or something because it was simply thorny. 

Everything from calls from other parents about your child’s text conversations, to mind boggling decisions of the adults in the “circle,” to scaring younger kids in bathrooms when someone should have been in class, to straight up kicking a peer and flat out refusal to do homework to laundry in the dryer not actually being… you know, dry. This day was disappointingly like so many others we have had, it’s almost comical. I guess we have not come as far as I had believed on the home front and it’s time to get back to work. 

Never a dull day in this adventure land!

~me

🌵

Co-Parenting Sucks

At first I wanted to write about a few different topics this morning but honestly, I can’t get past this one. I need to get it out, off my chest. Co-parenting SUCKS.

1) Co-Parenting sucks because if you and your ex could see eye to eye on how to parent in the first place you probably wouldn’t be exes. Just saying.

2) Co-Parenting sucks because there is ALWAYS one person doing more than the other. The one doing the lesser amount almost always believes they are either

a) doing just as much as the other person

b) doing more than the other person

c) doing the absolute “best they can” (and therefore that should be enough)

3) Co-Parenting sucks because there is no way to actually HIDE from the child(ren) your disdain for the other person and their “way” of doing things especially when their way of doing things is diametrically opposed to your every belief within every fiber of your being. There is no possible way to take the “high road” here.

4) Everyone I know that is trying to “co-parent” is going through this exact same thing except over several different topics which tells me Co-Parenting sucks no matter what the topic is at hand at this moment on this day.

So I will say this… as hard as it is to be a single full time working parent … those of you who are doing it ALONE alone…. I am so jealous of you – cuz man you get to do it your way and your way is the one and only way and right or wrong you get to move in a steadfast direction, one direction until you get where your going. If you make a mistake, no problem, you get to take an offramp and switch roads.

Those of us who have to co-parent…. well… we’re stuck in the same car as these a$$holes until our kids are old enough to drive themselves. Lets just pray those kids tell us all to EFF OFF and go in their own direction.

Please learn from my mistakes, as I said when I started this thing, all the pain and struggle I go through MUST be for a reason so please if you take nothing else away from this take this:

Lesson to be learned by any of you out there reading this who has NOT chosen the sperm (or egg) donor for your future child(ren) yet…. CHOOSE CAREFULLY. That is my only sage advise today.

~me

image is of two people diametrically opposed to one another.

back to back

Space To Grow

Today was a rough day for Brooklyn. I was asked by her not to tell anyone what happened, so I won’t.  I cannot and will not break that bond of trust. 

What I can say is this, as they grow up, you must give them space to grow. 

Now having said that, I can say this: Holy Crap, that is hard! 

I can’t fix it. 

I can’t change it.

I can’t even really comfort it. 

I can try. I did try. I tried as best I could. It just has to be. I have to sit back, wait,  and be there when she needs me. It is hard!

She did allow me to say to her, and I think she heard me…. “You will be ok.”

And to think…. She’s only 11. I have a lifetime yet to go. To watch her challenge herself, to succeed and to fail. To have her heart broken and to break some hearts. To have the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. To choose wisely and to make some mistakes. This is going to be hard, I got a glimpse of that today. 

But you know what, that tough cookie of mine…. She is going to be ok! 

~me

My Hands Are Tied

I am adamant about letting my son be who he is. If he is able to articulate his feelings, I take them seriously. He after all is the expert on himself.

So when my child tells me “Mom, the idea of this scares me. I really do not like it when a lot of people are looking at me so I don’t think I can do this,” When he says these things while needing my arms around him to feel safe and tears in his eyes, I listen.

Not everyone in his world listens as well as me. When I am able, I remove the people unable to support my son properly with those that will. Some however, are impossible to remove.

How do you handle this?

For me, it is about giving the person who can not be removed as much information about Steve as possible (should I just call this person Voldemort now? I mean common just let me). It is about giving Steve as much strength as possible to stand up to this kind of person. Sadly, Steve will have to deal with these people for the rest of his life in many aspects of his life (school, workplace etc).

These people who, no matter how important it is to do so, will never be “aware,” “accepting,” or “advocational” on Steve’s behalf. They are simply incapable of being any of these things.

So this is where I have to check out. This one, no matter what my feelings about the situation are, is out of my control.

Trust me…. THIS ROYALLY SUCKS. 

The bottom line though with me has been, and always will be is making sure Steve knows…. I HAVE HIS BACK, ALWAYS but this time kiddo… my hands are tied.

~me

Image is of a pair of hands being tied.

tied hands